REVEALED: What really happened on Queens Day in NL last week

[define psb]

YOU (techno) were more like THE CRIME
Are you sitting comfortably? Or walking like John Wayne
Now this is on page 11 ... How long has this been going on?

[bigboy]

Bigboy, did you ever do an advert for Paramount comedy, it was for Cheers. I think you were pretending that the show was shot in your lounge

Can someone explain this?

[define psb]

Question : will BB make it to 1000 today? Posts that is!!

Flaffer thinks BB lives in a basement bar? I guess the Dive Bar may be the nearest he'd get to the Cheers bar

[Jack the Lad]

Was THAT you????????? On Met. : "Official Most Wanted"

I was his partner-in-crime

oh so you're still around are you, I figured you'd be tied up in BB's basement by now

[define psb]

Bigboy is currently in The Whittington ...a private recovery room
( either that or he is preparing a new article about Opportunities on Mars!!!) Those PSB's get every where.. and I thought US didn't like them that much

[bigboy]

I guess the Dive Bar may be the nearest he'd get to the Cheers bar

Funnily enough, I've visited the Dive Bar in Picadilly and the Cheers Bar in Boston! Never been to the Cheers Bar in London tho

[bigboy]

In this new era of openness I have decided to let my fellow board members see me as well as hear me (on those XFM radio shows, obviously).

Someone (not me) has posted still pictures from a TV show on the pictures section of this forum. I was quite shocked to see it posted at first, I have to say.

I'll give you some clues as to my identity. You might be a little shocked when you realise who I am. But I see no real harm in revealing myself now to you, tho some of my colleagues might be surprised I am spending so much time at the moment writing stuff on a PSB fan board ('it's not very professional, is it?' I can hear them cry!), when I should be concentrating on future projects for public consumption.

OK, here goes:

The show in question was my first official TV appearance, but I didn't have a speaking part, unfortunately.

It took place in 1994.

Wanting so desperately to be seen on camera during the whole show, I wore something brightly coloured in the hope of getting noticed.

I was also wearing glasses, tho I don't need them anymore since I had the laser eye op in 2002.

I have dark brown hair and people always tell me I don't look English.

At the time, I was just starting to get contacts and make inroads into working in the media.

I've been on TV and radio in a professional basis many, many times since that 1994 debut. Not only in the UK, but US, Japan, and all over Europe including, erm, Czech Republic and Slovenia!

My most famous project is a collaboration with another man, who is better-known than me.

I have also interviewed Pet Shop Boys, not only under my real name but also a Dutch alias. You may have seen one of the interviews in a gay magazine not too long ago.

So, who the hell is Bigboy?

Can you guess who I am?

Ok, me ducks, time to reveal all:

Everything I wrote in the above post which can be found on page 6 of this thread) is absolutely 100% true.

I got tickets for a 1994 Top Of The Pops show purely because I entered the public ballot. When you apply for BBC show tickets which are for a series or weekly show you never actually know which date you have tickets for (if indeed any at all) until they arrived in the post.

I got the tickets for this particular show (forgive me if I don't remember the month) about a week beforehand.

At that time I knew full well that Pet Shop Boys had a new single being released soon and, seeing as they are my all-time favourite British group, and the only group I'd really followed consistently since before they had a hit, I prayed to Michael Jackson that they would peforming on it.

However, the omens were not good. It was the Third Reichesque era that a new TOTP producer decreed that all vocalists were forced to sing live on the show, which meant that Go West and its cast of a thousand (OK, I exaggerate ever so slightly) choir members was a complete impossibility and PSB were not allowed to perofrm the track (which may have contributed toward it stalling at No.2, IMO).

If I remember rightly, PSB weren't allowed to peform I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing on TOTP either, but I don't know the reason for that.

My sister happened to be visiting me in London for a few days anyway, and I thought it would be nice if, as it seemed a shame to waste the tickets, if we would go together.

I decided to surprise her and once we got off the train at Elstree she saw a sign that mentioned the show. "Oh, we're not going to Top Of The Pops, are we?! NO!"

As an alternative Indie kid who prefered the Pixies to Prince, she was dead set against the idea. I literally had to threaten her with no bed for her to sleep in later that night if she didn't come with me. Well, that and the fact that she fancied Howard from Take That and that hopefully they would be in the studio, as they were No.1 that week (I think).....

Thank heavens she did, because when we arrived we looked at the schedule and found out that PSB were indeed on (and utilising the brand new Exclusive part of the show, only recently introduced to TOTP, where an established act actually introduce the show and, later, preview their single before it's in the shops, wheras before TOTP always had a strict 'only if it's in the Top 40 does it stand a chance' policy).

Not only that but also in the studio were their arch rivals Erasure! I'd never seen the two synth-pop duos appear on the same TV show before. I could just imagine the cat-fights backstage as to who got the biggest dressing room etc...

I have to confess I was completely shameless that day. I'd never been on TV before (only radio) and I was desperate to be noticed on the box.

So, first things first, I wore a bright red T-shirt and red and black striped trousers. Yes, it was that tragic!

The show started and the new gimmick of that show's Exclusive performers introducing the show began, tho all we saw of N&C was on the monitor, as they'd taped it earlier standing in front of the Liberation simulator bumpy ride thingy that I'd been on a few days before in the West End (and made me really rather queer, but that's another story)

When it came to some rock band who I think were called Little Angels I was pogoing like their was no tomorrow. Over-keen to be picked up by the cameras, I shamelessly did anything I could think of to be noticed.

Throughout the show we gradually noticed two other men in the crowd, chiefly because of how they looked, and the fact that they were the only other audience members who didn't look 16!

One rather camp, odd but tall guy had a powder blue jacket and very heavy plastic framed glasses. They looked very much like Kirk Originals.

He was with this really chubby short, bald guy wearing a little Middle Eastern hat (almost Fez like). He had such an intriguing kind of ageless look, though. He could have been 12. Or he could have been 40.

When I saw them dancing during Erasure in the most queeny way imaginable that even Marc Almond would blush at, I could only come to the conclusion that here were two fellow attention seekers. Oh, how shameless can you get?

I can't remember all of the other acts tho Tony de Vit was also on with a couple of scantily clad dolly dancers. Strangely enough the two oddballs seem to disappear when that was on!

But during a break in taping I noticed the tall one standing next to me. The warm up guy on stage noticed him too. "I like your glasses" he said to him. "Where did you get them?"

O tall one replied: "From a shop."

There was no music being played during the break and there was a really long silent pause that seemed to go on forever. Everyone loked at him like he was from another planet, coupled with being embarrassed for the warm-up guy, who had only asked a perfectly innocuous, friendly question."

After what seemed like an eternity, Mr Powder blue decided to furnish us with further information: "...From my mother's shop in France."

Who knows if it were true, but, thinking about it now, especially when you consider what his current work involves, I can only assume he thought he's get a cheap laugh. When all he recieved was complete and utter silence he seemed to be forced to volunteer rather more agreeable information.

Guess who came on next: yes, it's the bloody Pet Shop Boys, sweetie. We all ran over to the stage they were going to Liberate on, and what do I find, but in the scramble this immensely irritating powder blue 'joker' is standing right next to me, on my immediate right.

N&C walk on stage and there's some questions from female fans - mainly directed at Chris as to whether he was seeing Arsenal that weekend.

I'd only ever really spoken to them once before, at the Literally book signing session in London's Oxford Street, November 1990, though I did previously get their impromptu scribbles on a 1989 tour programme through the fence at Wembley Arena. I didn't really know what to say to them, quite honestly.

The music starts and they're off, except at that very precise moment I also decide to ask Chris something. Well, more like shout something really, as the intro to Liberation took me by surprise in mid-flow and I found myself bellowing "Have a shave, Chris!"

The designer-stubbled keyboardist burst out laughing at this, but managed to regain composure once he remembered he was now being filmed.

The only other thing I remember from that performance were the billowing white 'Pastry chef' outfits and the fact that I had my arms flapping all ove the place, above my head, you name it. Oh, and the tall man in glasses next to me was behaving even odder than me. Everyone was looking at him (which, of course, it what he wanted), Neil included (Chris was facing the other way), not quite sure what to make of it all.

Quite frankly, I was being upstaged by a fellow drama queen. And I didn't like it one jot. But what happened next made it even more infuriating.

PSB traipse off and there's a pause while the producers check the camera footage. Suddenly we're told there's a small hitch and the boys will be coming out again shortly to do the song again.

Before they do, PSB's minder Dainton comes out of the shadows and stands directly in front of the strange man and me. What could it all mean? "Can I just remind everyone that you don't dance all over the place, wave your hands or sing during Pet Shop Boys songs," he barked. "Just be as still as possible."

Oooh, what an unfriendly brute, I thought to myself. And it was clear who this instruction was aimed at as well. Me and the oddball standing next to me. Then a softer moment: "God, you're really sweating, mate," the burly bodyguard said to me, and proceeded to pull out a hankerchief from his pocket and mopped my brow for me, without asking. It was really hot under those studio lights, and I have an Ant (as in Ant & Dec)-style high forehead, which makes it stand out more, when I'm hot. (though I was not balding at all back then, as some unkind oaf has said recently. I was in my early 20s at the time, with a full head of hair, thank you very much!).

Then N&C return, and they don't look happy at all at having to do the song again. It does seem, which ever way I look at it, that their having to come back may have indeed had something to do with me or the tall fruitcake acting up next to me.

Neil seemed absolutely red with rage, and literally stomped back on stage. He was so mad that you could even see the redness in his face underneath the absolutely megathick layer of make-up that was plastered on his face.

When audience members started their round of questions again he seemed to calm down considerably. I decided it was now or never. "Neil, have you met Bowie yet?" I chipped in. "No, I've never met him!" came the reply. Considering I knew how big a Bowie fan Neil was and that they were on the same label for many years I was surprised he hadn't. I often fantasised about seeing the two of them together, wondering what they would talk about. Bowie was my all-time favourite male artist, PSB my favourite band. To say that I was over the moon when, 18 months later, and during a period when I was actually in regular close contact with Bowie on a professional basis, they actually met up and made a single together would be a vast understatement. It was literally everything I had dreamed about.

Someone else in the studio asked about the upcoming Ab Fab single, and another about the song they'd recently announced they had given to Tina Turner (Confidential), then it was take two.

Mindful of Dainton's 'advice' I was extremely subdued compared to before. Just quietly singing along and swaying a little in time to the music. When, towards the end of the song I noticed there was a camera panning round in our direction I didn't think anything of it and decided to ignore it this time. Mr loony had no such inhibitions and began his act yet again. I couldn't believe it! Here was I showing the utmost restraint and he's just been waiting for an opportunity to repeat his bizarre clutching-his-face routine he'd done during the first take. And all you can see of me is singing along to the campest part of the song, "la la la la la la"!

TOTP seemed happy with the performance this time. Unless they forcibly ejected the idiot if they decided to do another take he was clearly just going to repeat his scene-stealing routine every time.

As PSB said their farewells I managed to get Neil to sign my TOTP ticket and I asked him if Yesterday, when I was mad is being remixed for the upcoming single version. "Yes, it is," he replied. Drat, I thought to myself. At that time it was my fave track on Very and I thought it was perfect the way it was. Still prefer the bitchy manicness of the LP version to this day.

It was clear, also, how far PSB seemed to be working in advance. They'd just announed the fifth Very single in Melody Maker and Liberation wasn't even out yet, let alone Ab Fab!

As we milled around the studio waiting for the next act, I eavesdropped on the man who had just completely stole my thunder and his fat friend literally begging Dainton to allow them backstage to meet N&C. I have no idea if their pleas fell on deaf ears or not.

Sadly, both Take That (Everything Changes from a gig in Germany) and Prince were both on tape. Shame, as I fancied Jason Orange immensely and had never seen Prince live, to my eternal regret (tho I did bump into him at the American Embassy in London just a few months after TOTP!), but my sister and I made the most of it and enjoyed the rest of the show.

Of course, as many of you will know, the two guys in question were David Walliams and Matt Lucas. They went on to appear on the TV in their own right. Their just-ended BBC2 comedy series Little Britain is, for me, possibly even better than The Office as the funniest thing I've seen since the early days of Ali G.

I've enjoyed the guessing games immensely, and couldn't help but raise a few chuckles when a few of you (I'll spare you any embarassment by not revealing your identities!) actually believed I was Walliams.

But as I said at the beginning, all those clues were absolutely true, and there have definitely been some very interesting parallels in our two lives.

PS I should just point out that the issue of Literally where I can be seen is obviously not the one from a year or so ago with Walliams in the background, but issue 6 (I think, I don't have it to hand) or whatever is the first issue after Nov 1990. Check the book signing report and look at the crowd picture. Just who is that person in a black denim jacket and glasses grinning profusely? Why the same person who's pictured in the Pictures section of this forum in the thread entitled Liberation TOTP video captures of course.

Enjoy!

[PigletWildebeest]

ahaaaaaa, the tragic red shirt indeed, as i thought
fantastic story! I'd have loved to be there.

[Hmmm]

Thank you for this slice of you'r Life it has been Fun hope we can have a bit more once again Ta very much Chuck.

[Jack the Lad]

I've enjoyed the guessing games immensely, and couldn't help but raise a few chuckles when a few of you (I'll spare you any embarassment by not revealing your identities!) actually believed I was Walliams.

always a relief to know I wasn't the only one then..

[Kirk Mack]

We really need a yawning smiley........

[bigboy]

We really need a yawning smiley........

Well, actually, this is an excerpt from my forthcoming memoirs. I take it you won't be buying any copies then

[Tom]

I was in my early 20s at the time, with a full head of hair, thank you very much!

That made me think...
So if you were in your early 20s back in '94, you should be in your early 30s now, right?
How come when I asked for your age you said you were in your late 20s?
Not trying to insinuate anything.. just wonderin' ..

[PigletWildebeest]

I was in my early 20s at the time, with a full head of hair, thank you very much!

That made me think...
So if you were in your early 20s back in '94, you should be in your early 30s now, right?
How come when I asked for your age you said you were in your late 20s?
Not trying to insinuate anything.. just wonderin' ..

Tom.... you silly boy. He was trying to get off with you
actually, if he was 20 in '94, he might very well be 29 now.

[Tom]

I was in my early 20s at the time, with a full head of hair, thank you very much!

That made me think...
So if you were in your early 20s back in '94, you should be in your early 30s now, right?
How come when I asked for your age you said you were in your late 20s?
Not trying to insinuate anything.. just wonderin' ..

Tom.... you silly boy. He was trying to get off with you
actually, if he was 20 in '94, he might very well be 29 now.

But he didn't say 29... claimed to be 28...
He's no old woman! He isn't supposed to lie about his age
Getting off with me? Naw, he's too busy still with Techno