Drico's Rant: Number One In An Occasional Series

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#1 Post by **Drico One** » Tue 23 May 2006, 7:36 pm

There was once a time in my halcyon student days where I scatter-gunned the Dotmusic/Hostboard/S*y fora (one of my most irritatingly affected signature terms) with weekly rants that caused consternation/amusement/bitterness/indifference amongst the good burgers (sic) of this cybernetic PSB world. I was once called a c*ck for my troubles, you know.

Well, now that I'm beyond that kind of virtual vandalism, you'll have to make do with the occasional piece of dry commentary from my good self as I seek to make sense of this latest refulgent PSB era that we have all embarked on like the excited passengers of the good ship Titanic. Well, at least we know we're going to sink...

Therefore, when I can be arsed, I'll be assailing you all with my words of wit and wisdom (synonym: waffle) to pass the meaningless few hours I now have to myself.

Today's random notion concerns those legendary moments of ecstacy that our heroes perpetually chase in their records like a search for the Holy Grail. Furthermore, what of the embarrassing solecisms we have had to endure while listening to the new record?

Therefore, it's time to examine the instances that make Fundamental memorable for both the right and wrong reasons.

Back in their pre-fame heyday, our dynamic duo frequented their seedy nightclub haunts thrilling to peaks of disco drama that they termed the "ecstatic moment" that made a good record great. They've always striven to reproduce that momentary apex when in megapop mood. Over the years, they've scaled those particular heights on numerous occasions - far too many times for me to list here. That's worth another thread or rant (don't go giving me ideas, now). The chord change in A Red Letter Day, the bridge in One More Chance, the coruscating intro of Miracles, the juddering wall of sound outro in So Hard... You get the idea. These are the moments that exemplify greatness and separate our heroes from the hoi polloi below. A bit like the difference between me and you, gentle reader.

Anyway, I digress. Has Fundy - as the Yanks will no doubt call it (If Condoleeza is too much for them, what chance Fundamental?) - got these effervescent moments of stratospheric stupendousness? Read on to find out. If not, nickname will be along soon with his more concise analysis of all things pathalogical. Failing that, there's always a Weirdalfan poll to take the numbing pain out of existence.

Psychological: Just a glimmer here, but a sliver of light nonetheless. Neil's raised ennunciation of the the title term just before the female backing comes in before the end gives this the boost it needs to rocket out of the atmosphere and into orbit. A good start then.

The Sodom And Gomorrah Show: This tries very hard but delivers less than it sets out to. The intro is perhaps the highlight with the manic chipmunk descending hilariously from the top of the rollercoaster with a gleeful "weeeeeee..." happily distracting us from the frenzied sashaying beats that threaten to stomp us into dancefloor dust. It doesn't get much better than that, but the chorus works to a point too.

However, this also has any number of embarrassing blunders to frame the thrills as accidental aberrations. In the theme of this death-obsessed album, let's call them the moments of mortification. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: "You've got to learn to love to live where angels fear to tread..." Right there, yes, at that very moment, I want the ground to open up and swallow me. Having happily endured years of high-pitched testicle-torturing vocals, E-Smoove, and New York City Boy, I finally draw the line at "I did it and I don't regret the day" with its wimpy, effete, shriek-inducing acquiescent surrender. What chicanery is this? I'm still recovering.

I Made My Excuses And Left is almost too beautiful and stately for the crudities of peaks and troughs. Nevertheless, only a troglodyte (trademark term number two, old timers) could fail to be lifted by the sweeping violins and concomitant emotion as Neil firstly accepts his fate and then fights back with the strength of, well, Neil. However, shock, horror, there is one moment of buttock-clenching embarrassment. Neil, Neil, Neil. I'm not sure whether "clumsy as an elephant" flays my sense of well-being as much as the preposterously pretentious "in the crowded court of your love." I'll let you go on this one, though, as it all adds up to the picture of you as an intellectual nerd hoplessly out of your depth in the, as Pat Benatar used to day, battlefield of love. The mental image of Neil as a "supplicant" has a more alarming effect. I tend to blot that one out...

Then we've got Minimal. Moment of Ecstacy: The supremely sweet "An empty box, an open space..."

Needless to say, Numb really isn't a song about ecstacy. This is more of an impact thing. Happily, it doesn't have any seat-wetting blunders once you get over the Americanisms used by that doyen of dandiness, his royal Detachedness. Still, those complaints don't hold water any more. Neil's been using "wannas" and "gonnas" for years now. We lost this battle in "We're The Pet Shop Boys" when he pronounced "1984" as Madonna would when referring to the tenth anniversary of the loss of her virginity.

Luna Park and I'm With Stupid are more cerebral than celebratory and their highlights are found in Neil's lyrical observations, at times stinging, at others insightful. Casanova bothers me less for its erections than for Neil getting all passionate at the end. Then again, it was probably the erections that did that. Twentieth Century and Indefinite Leave To Remain are blandifications if we're honest, though telling somebody in a personal relationship that "you are my nation" sounds rather like going out with a small mountain range.

And finally to Integral. Well, let's face it, in a league table of ecstatic peaks this one goes off the chart. Who else could knock out a four minute epic that crams in so many exultant highs as to make Go West seem positively reserved? The orchestral blasts to introduce Napoleon Blair's four-point plan, the chilling chorus - yes, that rare thing - and, best of all, the dizzyingly vainglorious somersaulting synths prior to a final romp through that splendiferous aforementioned chorus saves the very best for last and keeps us coming back for more. And back we will come, tongues hanging out, slavering over future thrills that they've yet to even conceive of.

Who knows how many more freaks will populate this forum by then? Who knows how many more polls we will cheerfully endure (and contribute to under the cover of anonymity)? Who knows how many more essential copyright-protected advance reviews we will be asked to respect? Who knows how many more words I can type before combusting under my own sense of superciliousness. Three more years it is, then.

Drico.

ArseSpanker · #2 Post by **ArseSpanker** » Tue 23 May 2006, 7:42 pm

Jolly good to read, my friend. Although, we disagree over the Elephant bit.

Janet Street-Porter · Tue 23 May 2006, 7:44 pm

I disagree about the elephant/supplicant lyric. Where would Neil be without pretentiousness? Probably still editing that home management tome.

Native · #4 Post by **Native** » Tue 23 May 2006, 7:44 pm

So, in a word, do you like 'Fundamental' or not?

#5 Post by **Drico One** » Tue 23 May 2006, 7:46 pm

I don't do minimalism.

Janet Street-Porter · Tue 23 May 2006, 7:49 pm

My favourite ever PSB 'moment' is the Domino dancing chorus. Ecstatic pathos, the girl from the video and summer holidays in Ireland. Halcyon days indeed.

stussyboy · #7 Post by **stussyboy** » Tue 23 May 2006, 8:03 pm

I don't really agree with much of what you say Drico, but you do say it so well...

GalataPSB · #8 Post by **GalataPSB** » Tue 23 May 2006, 8:40 pm

Where is my dictionary?

james23_uk · #9 Post by **james23_uk** » Tue 23 May 2006, 8:56 pm

C*ck

Your Funny Uncle · Wed 24 May 2006, 12:23 am

Janet Street-Porter wrote:I disagree about the elephant/supplicant lyric. Where would Neil be without pretentiousness? Probably still editing that home management tome.

Dammit! I also disagree with drico on this one... Does this mean I agree with you? I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight worrying about it...

Deschanel · #11 Post by **Deschanel** » Wed 24 May 2006, 1:23 am

Drico, you're a born writer, i love reading your mini-essays. Must be the Irish in ye- we're quite good at that foreign language.

Thanks for the post.

glennjridge · #12 Post by **glennjridge** » Wed 24 May 2006, 1:29 am

I love waffles

joncool5 · #13 Post by **joncool5** » Wed 24 May 2006, 8:14 am

I don't see "Indefinite leave to remain" as bland, for me it's the highlight along with "I made my excuses and left".

Tomas · #14 Post by **Tomas** » Wed 24 May 2006, 11:31 am

It's official! PSB don't like Drico!

"There's something in the attic and it smells so bad"
Psychological 1:46

(Drico, just a joke, no real offense meant.

)

Technotrancemix · Wed 24 May 2006, 11:54 am

I'm waiting for #2 of Dryco's pre-Shakespear's-style-Angleterre essay's