2012: The Mayan Prophecy

[Drico One]

Having had far too much to drink last night, in the traditional Irish style, the future came to me in a dream. Well, Whateverman42 did, but I digress. My head has cleared just enough for me to recount the tale of 2012 here:

January

The year begins with a bang as fireworks explode to mark the final Pandemonium tour performance in Sydney, Australia. During the historic show, a rabid fan, delirious with excitement, invades the stage and causes a dancing skyscraper to collide with a static Chris Lowe. Happily, the latter's failure to move or show even a vague sign of life dispels any concern for his well-being. RaciePSB is later released by local police.

Rumours relating to the new studio album, due to be released later in the year, sweep Community. The lead single is believed to be entitled Do Me Right and will be produced by a cult Scandinavian duo. Royksopp deny involvement.

Elsewhere, Parkol forms a St. Petersburg branch of the Luis Suarez fan club.

February

B-side compilation album Format is released. However, it fails to chart after EMI issues it in an ineligible format. Technotrancemix claims he knows how to source one of the innovative hard-to-get "downloadable physical" copies, but that his lips, as with all of his products, are sealed.

Alfonso posts the latest "PetText" on Community and fuels much discussion, speculation, and conjecture about the mysterious production duo behind the new album. Adding to the frenzy, Neil reveals that they've been "wrapping up the new record in Copenhagen. N. xxx". Nickname wonders what the N means.

Pet Shop Boys accept an unexpected offer from a promoter in Burundi to perform the final Pandemonium tour show.

March

The Most Incredible Thing returns for another run at Sadler's Wells with last-minute substitute SuperVirgin, Victor5, replacing the suddenly ill Ivan Putrov in the role of Karl. Audiences are shocked at the bulging masculinity on display, prompting a minor retitling of Act Two: The Clock - which now comes without an 'l'.

Promo artwork for rumoured lead single Do Me Right is leaked to general approval. However, one dissenting voice is ace graphic design guru Parkol who describes the completely blank and minimalist approach as "too dark".

In the long-running and compelling Off-topic forum thread entitled, What's up today?, Pani visits the dentist.

April

Song titles, rumoured to be from the new studio album, are leaked into Cyberspace via a Scandinavian IP address. Black Widow is considered appropriately sinister.

Meanwhile, Erasure release their long-awaited new album of nursery rhymes via e-mail. Fractured Fairytales was recorded over the Internet and comes with a specially commissioned signed digital photograph of producer Frankmusic hard at work in the studio. It's particularly well received in Canada.

In London, Raggatwin goes on strike over public sector cuts as the economic crisis bites. Everyone's feeling the pinch. StevePSB is forced to sell his copy (sealed) of Yes to keep the wolf from the door. Jobs are saved, however, when Patrick Bateman bucks the trend by maintaining his 22-year patronage of Military Mothers Monthly, "purely for the challenging crossword and clever alliteration, naturally". Drico begins writing his Abridged History of the Pet Shop Boys Forum, due for publication in November. "With contributions from all the greats, and Your Funny Uncle, this is sure to be a best-seller", he opines in a soliloquy.

May

The new studio album title is confirmed as Sinister. Later in the month, it emerges that a second disc, to be called Fragile, will be included as a bonus as speculation mounts about the identity of the mysterious production team behind the new record. The news presages a slew of new threads on Community, the most popular of which is entitled 'Will the new album be released in the U.S.?"

Always with his finger on the pulse, Nickname opens a poll to ask if the new album will be released in America. Options include "yes", "no", and "maybe", and multiple selections are allowed. This prompts complaints of "clogging up the forum" from Scapa Flow and weirdalfan1995 and a wish that "everybody has a terrific weekend" from Geowayne.

Denmark wins the Eurovision Song Contest, with the catchy europop ditty "Do You Control Your Mind?" romping to landslide victory. In the U.S., Glennjridge is announced as the running mate of surprise Tea Party presidential candidate alig. Analysts believe that his addition to the ticket is likely to win favour among more conservative members of the electorate who found original running mate the Mad Hatter a little sober.

In the much-loved and essential Off-topic forum thread entitled, What's up today?, Pani meets a friend for coffee.

June

Do Me Right is revealed as a fake when Neil confirms that the lead single will in fact be "ID me", a "personal song written about the government's abandonment of national ID cards and the subsequent loss of artistic inspiration encountered by many as a consequence."

Alfonso breaks the long-awaited news that the mysterious producers of the new studio album are Benny and Bjorn from Abba.

Pet Shop Boys accept an unexpected offer from a theatre impresario in Ulan Bator to perform the final Pandemonium show. "We've always loved Mongolia", gushes Neil to nobody in particular.

July

"ID me" is released to scenes of mass hysteria. While TheGardner admires its catalogue number, reaction on Community is typically hostile. Parkol describes Sylvia Mason-James's backing vocals as a "needless African presence". Raggatwin forms a soviet.

In the chronicle of daily life that is the Off-topic forum thread entitled, What's up today?, Pani makes a sandwich.

Elsewhere, work continues apace on Drico's Abridged History of the Pet Shop Boys Forum. After four months, 452,764 words, and seven volumes of assonance, the Foreword is deemed complete.

August

The new double album is finally released. Standout tracks include "If the price is right (we'll play all night)", "Google is your friend (when they've money to spend (hiring you to play their corporate functions))" and the Benny and Bjorn co-write, "Good evening, Stockholm".

Neil rejoins Twitter as a tribute to those fighting for free expression in the Arab world. Chris tweets a photo of his dinner: fish and chips with a twist of lemon.

Pet Shop Boys accept an unexpected offer from the Democratic Republic of Timor-Leste to perform the final Pandemonium show.

Upheaval continues around the globe as Parkol joins anti-Putin protests in St. Petersburg and Deschanel goes on a bender in the Hamptons.

September

The new album fails to chart after the Danish cellophane factory responsible for its packaging and distribution goes bust. However, sealed copies are available for those who know where to look for them in the Leicestershire area.

Worrying news from Moscow. After Putin crushes all opposition, Parkol is deported to Nigeria, "a cruel and unusual" punishment according to his lawyers. Better news from North Korea, however, where Raggatwin is installed as new supreme leader.

In the riveting account of social observation that is the Off-topic forum thread entitled, What's up today?, Pani buys a book.

October

EMI announces that a new 2-CD greatest hits record will be released for Christmas. "Toppermost" and "Poppermost" will be issued on Mute. "Our most commercially successful singles, and Together, will be on Toppermost, while our poppier numbers will be on Poppermost, " tweets Neil, helpfully.

In a keenly contested world-wide competition held by Dreamworks, Nickname wins the right to replace the retiring Antonio Banderas as the voice of Puss in Boots.

November

Pet Shop Boys accept an unexpected invitation from newly-installed North Korean dictator, Raggatwin, to play the final Pandemonium tour show in Pyongyang.

The Most Incredible Thing goes on an unprecedented worldwide run to packed stadia acclaim and universal rave reviews. SuperVirgin appears naked on the cover of Time magazine, a suitably positioned feather boa failing to provide a barrier between the world and a glimpse of extraordinary wonder. Everybody agreed, it was truly the most incredible thing.

December

Toppermost surprisingly tops the chart after specially-recorded lead single, Fairytale of New York, a collaboration with Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, reaches nuber two. It's kept off the summit by surprise Christmas number one, The Enchanted Leotard, a cut from the critically-acclaimed Erasure album, Fractured Fairytales (Special Edition). Its success means the demotion of the planned Always 2013 single, which had been slated for release in the first week of January, to Canada-only status.

Pet Shop Boys end a busy year by accepting an unexpected offer from Dave Undertaker to play the final Pandemonium tour show in his front room, but suddenly change their minds when the implications of having to play in Grimsby hit home.

Oh, and in accordance with the Mayan prophecy, the world comes to an end on the 21st. I woke up just before Whateverman finished his prediction on that, but I don't think I missed anything important.

Happy New Year you shower of lovable lunatics,

Drico.

[Patrick Bateman]

Better news from North Korea, however, where Raggatwin is installed as new supreme leader.

[Undertaker]

very good.

[Deschanel]

Sigh. Outstanding, you brilliant, beautiful gallant f***. (I don't really do benders in the Hamptons, like Soviet Russia, they do benders on meee. Until that court order-not my fault!) That was amazing, Drico.

I'm pretty much a crvnt of an owl here, but when discusssion turns to some deep strange brilliant track by PSB, I melt. Because they really are just brilliant, they fill my headphones with a joyous noise and sly, beautiful, clever lyrics that are scarcely matched in modern songwriting. And maybe I want to talk about it, and this is the one place on Earth where we can, and people get it. Uh, you're not crazy. We're here because we love the songs of Pet Shop Boys, see their brilliance, and talk about it, and them, and the songs. What a funny bunch we are.

But I hugely value what a funny bunch we are, over years now. I can be a rotten rude jerk, but I value what we talk about when we talk about the songs, and other things as well. It's above all a strikingly international forum, which I value a lot. That I'm talking about PSB songs with someone in India. Or seeing how people are feeling over in "Broken Britain". (You're not broken, we'll all get through, we will.) It's a marvellous thing, here. Thank you to StevePSB and Drico for keeping the discusssion going, it's valuable more than you know.
Happy New Year, everyone.

[GalataPSB]

great

[Corina]

I love Drico and this forum ♥

Happy New Year!

[raggatwin]

I am not and have never been a Stalinist.

All Stalinists should be killed ha ha.

[Pani]

Frightening, I really have to visit the dentist in March!



Also I will get a new tattoo, make a balloon ride etc. ...


*lol*

Happy New Year

[gregf]

There really is something special about this place.
Eternal damnation to anyone who ruins it.
Happy new year everyone.

[glennjridge]

alig and me would rule this dump of a world with an iron fist like the emprorer and lord vader. unfortuatly for you all we would shut down the internet as its used by evil doers and liberals.

also,thats so true greg! anyways happy new years everyone, lets all get a bit wasted,but hopefully safely.

[AlfonsoPSB]

Happy New Year, everyone!

[York Minster]

Post of the year there Drico. Had at least 10 good solid guffaws. You do have a gift with words, even if you get just a pidge up your own rear sometimes.

Also, and this is not something I say often, good post Deschanel. I'll second what you said about the forum.

Sorry I've made a mess of things here at times. It should be apparent I'm doing better now in the later half of the year. I really am too. Probably helps that I have a job now.

Hmm looks like it's 2 minutes until 2012 in the UK. Happy New Year all!

[StevePSB]

And I actually DO have a sealed copy of 'Yes'.

I'm hoping for something very much NOT 'Yes' for the next album. I've lost my PSB mojo and I'd love to get it back.

Looking forward to the new Ultravox album and tour like you wouldn't believe though!


StevePSB

[Dipso]

Pet Shop Boys accept an unexpected invitation from newly-installed North Korean dictator, Raggatwin, to play the final Pandemonium tour show in Pyongyang.

Hilarious! They bloody would play Pyongyang if the chance arose too!

[leahysb]

Wonderful post Drico - thanks for the laughs