The now-famous Virgin complaint letter :D

[BecciJ]

I have to say, this did make me laugh out loud. Dunno if you have heard of it hitting the news recently, but it's well worth a look!

It's a complaint letter received by Virgin Atlantic in regards to the food on one of their flights. Love it- very funny!
Apparently, Richard Branson called the guy personally afterwards...

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/blog/editors_c ... cle/11975/

[StevePSB]

Nowhere near as good as the NTL one of a few years ago. Google that one, but don't copy and paste it here!


StevePSB

[BecciJ]

Just read it. Very good!

[glennjridge]

not a complaint, or nothing, but a funny experience I had was when I was a teen shopping at the Gap at the mall and I dropped my milkshake on the floor and the store manager dissapeared into the backroom and came out rolling a mop and bucket.

and I felt so bad for him that he was going to have to clean up the mess I made on the floor, and that feeling I had for him lasted right up to the point where he came over to me and wordlessly put the mop in my hand.

[redsock]

Nowhere near as good as the NTL one of a few years ago. Google that one, but don't copy and paste it here!


StevePSB

Pretty funny, but I see no reason not to copy and paste it, the posters in the political threads on this forum, use far worse language towards one another ....

[Fugitive1979]

Just read the NTL one as well, brilliant.

[Undertaker]

Customer Service

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"
"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."

"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug?]

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
[pause] "Yes, it is."

[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.] "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
[muffled] "Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
[still muffled] "I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
[clear again] "No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"
"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."

"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power cut."

"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]"A power cut? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO FU*KING STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!"

[Fugitive1979]

^^

[JSDOUVRES]

Council and housing association complaints
The following are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. What a literate bunch we Brits truly are!

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage, and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his c*** wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get BBC2.

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it,

… and he’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.


Got these from http://www.funny-haha.co.uk/category.asp

Some good stuff in there!

[sneakythesnake]

Thanks for posting these! Very funny!!

[Vince]

Awesome ones JSDouvres!!!

[Hillbilly]

Nowhere near as good as the NTL one of a few years ago. Google that one, but don't copy and paste it here!

I found it and read it. Very good, but I have to ask, what is NTL?

[StevePSB]

An old UK cable company from a few years back.


StevePSB

[territorygal]

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.