January: The year starts quietly. Neil has ravioli for dinner. Chris posts the evidence on Twitter.
Erasure go top 10 with Always 2010 (Boomerang mix). Andy is helicoptered off a Caribbean cruise ship, "The Pride of the Pantry", specially to perform this latest surprise hit. However, rather than returning to London, he is taken to St. Kitts and Nevis - where this success has been attributed to an ingenious download campaign masterminded from North America and sponsored by Spandex.
February: Due to special demand, the official site announces that Beautiful People is to be released as a Netherlands-only single in May.
Meanwhile, the artwork for the Pandemonium concert DVD is released on Farrow's site. The predominant colour is black. Resident Community artist Parkol expresses his dissatisfaction at this "misguided African theme".
March: The first demos from the forthcoming ballet are leaked on the Internet. The highlight is a guide vocal for a politically-themed duet featuring Pet Shop Boys and Wayne Sleep called "Closer to Yemen".
StevePSB plays Yes for a second time, "just to give it a fair chance."
The Netherlands-only Beautiful People release is confirmed as a 2-track "double-A side" CD. The title track is to be be backed by How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?
April: On the 1st, the official site announces Neil and Chris's plans to tour Italy in late June. Neil accuses Twitter of invading his privacy: "You can even see what I had for breakfast, for heaven's sake." Chris takes a photo.
Your Funny Uncle is spotted in the Off-Topic forum posting something about global warming. The thread is hijacked by alig who promptly issues a fatwah. Markus denies any of it happened.
May: Beautiful People/How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously? surprisingly reaches the Dutch Top 40. However, it is soon disqualified when compilers suspect that it has been hyped into the chart via purchases traced back to a single credit card.
Another ballet demo leaks. While Undertaker expresses his satisfaction at the new work, Pulse accuses Neil and Chris of ripping off Erasure much to the annoyance of skyhigh. Despite the controversy, "Little Black Leotard" is hailed as "forward-looking".
June: Bateman's Christmas EP order arrives from Record Store with a complimentary signed copy of the new Beautiful People Dutch CD bundled as a goodwill gesture. Surprisingly, he discovers that the signature is not that of Chris or Neil, but that of a mysterious Dutchman.
July: A man in the Eindhoven area is arrested for chart hyping. Meanwhile in the Off-Topic forum, somebody wishes Yahoo [Bot] a happy birthday. Hmmm.
August: The Pandemonium concert film is released as a CD/DVD bundle only. However, none reach the shops due to an undisclosed distribution problem that is later traced back to a bulk-buying scam involving a man of Polish extraction with an impeccable record in sealed goods.
Erasure return to the top 10 in St. Kitts and Nevis. Always (Zombie mix) makes number six after only 12 purchases push it above Elton John's Candle In The Wind and Do Me Right by BlueSwan. Undertaker suggests that a velcro-clad North American is responsible, but Pulse proudly confirms that a 12-man street team, "The Baker's Dozen", should get the credit.
September: The official site confirms that a Dutch-only greatest hits, Tulips, is to be released in the Netherlands for Christmas. Speculation mounts on Community as to what the final tracklisting will be. Americans wonder if there will be a US release. TheGardner worries about the CD catalogue number. gregf appeals for calm.
In a rare sighting, Your Funny Uncle is spotted in the Off Topic forum posting something about religious fundamentalism. The thread is hijacked by alig who promptly issues a fatwah. This is later qualified by his spokesman on Earth, glennjridge.
October: Sealed copies of Pandemonium appear on eBay. Most are CD/DVD bundles. However, a special Drico edition is released that contains only the DVD. It has one bidder.
No Muscle Mary returns from China with the long-awaited Chinese edition of Yes. It's the same as the standard release except for the tracks that the Chinese government deemed offensive. Legacy is included, but there's no sign of Beautiful People.
November: The final tracklisting for Tulips is confirmed. It will contain all Dutch singles except How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously. Absolutely Fabulous is included instead.
The official site announces a new PSB single for February. However, Neil and Chris astound fans by stating that they will be replaced as Pet Shop Boys by two younger performers. After weeks of speculation, John and Edward are revealed as the new Pet Shop Boys. Neil explains the choice on Twitter: "As they can't sing and need a huge show to hide their limitations, we thought they'd be perfect." Perplexed, Lush and BlueSwan wonder how they missed out and consider legal action.
December: Tulips fails to make the Dutch chart. It later emerges that this is because Record Store forgot to send the orders that Parlophone forgot to press. A recently-hired EMI Uden employee is later identified as responsible for these omissions. Despite this disappointment, Undertaker announces that the fans should be happy, 2010 has been a great year and the new Neil has hair. Deschanel gets hammered and expresses his love for all. Horrified by this gratuitous display, alig issues a fatwah. gregf appeals for world peace. Drico gets his coat.
Happy new year. See you in 2012.
Drico.
