UKIP: Comedy Gods

[raggatwin]

Douvres, he waves the sword of truth...

[JSDOUVRES]

Douvres, he waves the sword of truth...

It's called giving an opinion, do you seriously not get that?

And you are doing exactly what you always do, having a go at me and not responding to my actual point. But that would be far too difficult now, wouldn't it?

[StevePSB]

I got to a point some years ago where I realised that it was as near as damn it pointless getting involved in tit-for-tat arguments on internet forums. No one ever wins and all that ever transpires is argument and bad feeling.

I wish the small handful of people keeping this thread and topic alive would reach the same epiphany.

Who are you preaching to? What are you getting from constantly ramming political opinion down our throats? Why must you keep going on and on and on when 99% of the forum is clearly not interested in the slightest? Do you not think that other forum members have access to newspapers / TV news / internet news and you feel you have a duty to fill this obvious news void for us all? Do you really think that the rest of the forum wants to see this bitching and arguing day after day?

It's embarrassing. Time to give it a rest.


StevePSB

[Patrick Bateman]

I got to a point some years ago where I realised that it was as near as damn it pointless getting involved in tit-for-tat arguments on internet forums. No one ever wins and all that ever transpires is argument and bad feeling.

I wish the small handful of people keeping this thread and topic alive would reach the same epiphany.

Who are you preaching to? What are you getting from constantly ramming political opinion down our throats? Why must you keep going on and on and on when 99% of the forum is clearly not interested in the slightest? Do you not think that other forum members have access to newspapers / TV news / internet news and you feel you have a duty to fill this obvious news void for us all? Do you really think that the rest of the forum wants to see this bitching and arguing day after day?

It's embarrassing. Time to give it a rest.


StevePSB

Erm, if 99% of the forum isn't bothered, what's the problem? There are plenty of threads on here with a similar level of disinterest that are left alone for the tumbleweed.

[james23_uk]

I got to a point some years ago where I realised that it was as near as damn it pointless getting involved in tit-for-tat arguments on internet forums. No one ever wins and all that ever transpires is argument and bad feeling.

I wish the small handful of people keeping this thread and topic alive would reach the same epiphany.

Who are you preaching to? What are you getting from constantly ramming political opinion down our throats? Why must you keep going on and on and on when 99% of the forum is clearly not interested in the slightest? Do you not think that other forum members have access to newspapers / TV news / internet news and you feel you have a duty to fill this obvious news void for us all? Do you really think that the rest of the forum wants to see this bitching and arguing day after day?

It's embarrassing. Time to give it a rest.


StevePSB

Erm, if 99% of the forum isn't bothered, what's the problem? There are plenty of threads on here with a similar level of disinterest that are left alone for the tumbleweed.

I think Steve is politely asking for the tone to be turned down a notch. Which as a moderator on this forum seems a perfectly reasonable, if indeed fruitless, request.

[JSDOUVRES]

Have to say this is very funny (not for the easily offended!!!) Very clever too.

THIS IS LABOUR GOVERNMENT

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END

------------------------------------------------------------------------

LABOUR GOVERNMENT THE UK VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'.

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom .

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END

[james23_uk]

Have to say this is very funny (not for the easily offended!!!) Very clever too.

[Your Funny Uncle]

This lovely story completely fails to mention the wily old fox that pays a legion of ants a pittance to gather food for him all summer, not allowing them to save for the winter despite their hard work, then moves off to another country to avoid all the tax and government bureaucracy, laying off all the ants as winter comes. The ants who worked hard all summer try desperately to survive, putting a strain on the underfunded council housing and benefits, while idiots place the blame on the tiny amounts of grasshoppers and cats, instead of the wily fox sitting in another country on top of the massive pile of food that he can never possibly eat himself.

[Corina]

This lovely story completely fails to mention the wily old fox that pays a legion of ants a pittance to gather food for him all summer, not allowing them to save for the winter despite their hard work, then moves off to another country to avoid all the tax and government bureaucracy, laying off all the ants as winter comes. The ants who worked hard all summer try desperately to survive, putting a strain on the underfunded council housing and benefits, while idiots place the blame on the tiny amounts of grasshoppers and cats, instead of the wily fox sitting in another country on top of the massive pile of food that he can never possibly eat himself.

Another confirmation for me that you are a very remarkable gentleman, YFU. Regards

[gregf]

I used to post on the political threads, in the hope of having a discussion
about some interesting ideas.

[JSDOUVRES]

This lovely story completely fails to mention the wily old fox that pays a legion of ants a pittance to gather food for him all summer, not allowing them to save for the winter despite their hard work, then moves off to another country to avoid all the tax and government bureaucracy, laying off all the ants as winter comes. The ants who worked hard all summer try desperately to survive, putting a strain on the underfunded council housing and benefits, while idiots place the blame on the tiny amounts of grasshoppers and cats, instead of the wily fox sitting in another country on top of the massive pile of food that he can never possibly eat himself.

Could only come from you! Knew this would hit a nerve! Brilliant! You made a joke of the joke!!!

And as for "tiny" amount of grasshoppers and cats, we both know that's a lie!!!

At least you have a fan, and I wonder why?

[Your Funny Uncle]

Only from me? Because what? No one else has ever disagreed with you here? Listen to yourself.

[Your Funny Uncle]

OOps.

[JSDOUVRES]

So what is your point with your chart? It is people from all backgrounds that are involved in tax fraud, not just the rich man you know. Also taxes are not just there to pay benefits you know (or maybe you don't?) They cover a vast amount of things.

And one thing is for sure, we have a very different view on the word "tiny". If well over a million people coming into this country (minimum that we know of that is) is tiny to you then it is absolutely ginormous to me! It is clear that we are miles apart of our interpretation of words, that's for sure!

You are also the first ever person I've known to be called a "very remarkable gentleman" for supporting uncontrolled immigration. Well done for that, but it's from a Romanian so I wouldn't get too carried away!

[JSDOUVRES]

Tut Tut Tut, oh well, it's just an extra 48,000 (and the rest) that are here illegally, no big deal, we have the space apparently........

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-27993775

But are these people not criminals? They are involved in fraud after all, aren't they? Not that I have the right to say that of course. Well, not to some people anyway.